An ode to Chester Bennington

Hearing the news of his sudden death on Friday morning, 21st July 2017, was truly unexpected, shocking in fact. Chester Bennington, the front man of Linkin Park, has committed suicide right on his late best bud Chris Cornell's birthday.

It is sad that another celebrity's suicidal depression making headlines whilst the many unknown victims in the world are actually having the same dilemma. This is well known worldwide but many victims hid it well and many closed ones pretend it never exists. Well, hopefully this will be another wake-up call and hopefully it will save more lives. Depression is no laughing matter. Be more alert with your family, friends, besties... it may not be as livid... they might not even admit it but don't wait until it is too late.

In case you or someone you know needs support, you can reach out here:
http://chester.linkinpark.com/

My simple Haiku:
One More Light no more
As Heavy, Numb writing this
Chester Be no more...

3rd Anniversary of Dad's passing...

Time flies and it's been 3 years since you left us... I still do think of you, misses you and wished you were here... found this aptly written poem via Google of how I feel:

On another note, it is sad that we can't go to Cameron Highlands to pay our respect as Mossy Forest is closed until mid of next year. Hence we had a family gathering last Sunday at mom's. I know it was hectic for mom but having all of us in 1 house was worth it for her. I do hoped that dad can see from afar all of us together praying for him. Amen.

Dad's 2nd anniversary

Time really flies and it's been 2 years today since dad has left us.

Our family trip to Cameron Highlands last Sunday to pay respect to Dad

Even until today, I still think of him, misses him, reminisce those precious moments. Sigh! I really hoped he enjoy his afterlife and have a peaceful, serene time.

RIP Nelson Mandela

Another great soul has left Earth today. A great humanitarian, humble and well-known for his fight against Apartheid. He has set a great example to the younger generations but no one can replace him.

Rest In Peace Nelson Mandela.

RIP Paul Walker

Rest In Peace, Paul Walker

When I heard this last Sunday from my colleague, Ann, I thought it was another prank on celebrity. It was just too unbelievable for such an accident to happen. After hubs gave me the official news link then only I begin to accept the news, albeit reluctantly. It's so hard to accept it, although he's no one to me except 1 of my favourite actors, as he's still young, had so much to live for and Fast 7 is coming soon!

It basically hits home as he's only a year younger than me and such road accident is so common everywhere. I can just never understand why when the car has been engulfed by flames, the doors will definitely be stuck and the same goes for the windows!

Car manufacturers, WHY??? 

I thought the more expensive it is, the safer it will be! A Ferrari some more! Yes, it is sporty. Yes, it is fast. Yes, the performance is TOPS! BUT WHAT ABOUT THE SAFETY??? Sigh! A beautiful soul lost, gone forever...

It reminded me of another similar accident locally where a lady was stuck in her car, frantically trying to open her door and window but to no avail and within seconds the car exploded, engulfed into flames with her perished inside. It was so unfortunate as she was still alive, same as Paul, but was stuck inside. It made the news as a good Samaritan wanted to help her but the idiots in a gas station nearby halted his effort to retrieve a fire extinguisher from them which he intended to use it to break the car window. Really pity her.

My only assumption is that as the car initially combusted or caught fire, the pressure is suck inwards, causing the doors or windows to be stuck. It could also be the misalignment due to the impact of the crash, I know. Anyone trying to open it will fail to do so. It is similar to a fire in a building, when someone tries to open a door of a room on fire, it might caused a backdraft.

I have this thought in mind to enhance the safety feature in the event of a car crash, a suggestion to car manufacturers:

Is it possible to create an additional latch securing the windows? This latch will be 'moveable'. When an accident happens, it will automatically trigger the latch to release the windows, dropping it so that the victims can climb out. Of course, with the current digital edge, you can program the impact of the accident, meaning if it's just a minor one, it shouldn't trigger this. Only when a big impact happens the safety latch will drop. This shouldn't be latched onto the windscreen or back as it will drop inwards instead which might kill the victims inside unintentionally. 

So, Porsche, Audi, BMW, Chevrolet, Opel, Saab, Ferrari, Lamborghini, etc, can this be considered? Is it workable? I'm not sure if this is feasible, just a light bulb moment that I had. My copyright (c) ya!

RIP Cory Monteith

Updated 17/7/13:
The result of the autopsy was as expected. The below statement taken from http://entertainment.malaysia.msn.com/celebrity/cory-monteith-died-from-drugs-and-alcohol:
The British Columbia Coroners Service claims that toxicological analysis has shown that the actor, who left rehab in April after voluntarily checking in there for a month, died from "mixed drug toxicity, involving heroin and alcohol."

“Tragedy is when you know not only what was, but what could have been”
written by film critic Roger Ebert
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Cory Monteith may just be another celebrity who passed on under a sad circumstance but I'm still reeling in the shock over his sudden demise. Well, for one, I watched Glee and really liked Finn Hudson, the heart throb footballer who risked his popularity by joining Glee club. On the other hand, he's only 31 years old with so much going on for him! He's just way too young to die so soon! Furthermore, he's the same age as my bro, Christopher, so the sentiments lah...

Well, we can't turn back the time and change everything. We can only move forward. Let's hope the result of his autopsy is not pointing to substance overdosed.

Rest In Peace Cory...

Just a small town girl, livin' in a lonely world 
She took the midnight train goin' anywhere 
Just a city boy, born and raised in south Detroit Canada
He took the midnight train goin' anywhere 

3rd morning of wake

A very busy Tuesday morning as we had prayers before cremation, right after breakfast. Sayadaw U Rewata from Subang Jaya Buddhist Association performed the final chantings and prayers. It was a solemn morning, knowing that dad will be cremated. Perhaps, it was also the last time we see him in human form. Mom cried her heart out as we see him for the last time. I felt hollow yet glad that we are able to fulfill his last wish. Also glad that I was able to have my last chat with dad, although one sided.

After a short ritual walk of sending him, with a heavy heart it was time to let go of dad, seeing him off to the other world. It was so difficult, so hard as I have had him for 40 years! Amidst my tears, I saw my brothers crying too... finally letting it off their chests. They followed through to the cremation but not me. I just couldn't bare to see the flames engulfing dad's coffin. After that, it was all over. So fast, it felt so surreal, like in a movie or something.

After that, we quickly changed and rushed to Sau Seng Lam Temple to place dad's tablet there for 49 days. A Taoist ritual, to ensure more prayers and blessings for dad's soul, wherever he is. Like I said earlier, a mixture of Buddhist and Taoist. If mom has it her way, it would have been a Taoist funeral with the full blown prayers including a permanent tablet on the altar at home. Definitely something dad wouldn't like.

Once completed, we headed for lunch nearby. It finally sank in my mind then, dad has finally left us in his own way and his own term. Something he has always believed in which bro Ryan also mentioned during his memorial speech the night before. Sad but true. It may have been surreal but glad that it was all over. Our next mission was to scatter dad's ashes at Cameron Highlands, his final wish to be fulfilled then, which will be updated in the next post.

2nd day of wake

The image of paramedics struggling to get dad on the stretcher is still vivid in mind until today. It was really a harrowing experience for me. Each time I heard the ambulance whining passed gives me the goosebumps. Even when I witnessed others enjoying their quality time with their parents will definitely bring tears to my eyes. Only God knows how much I missed him and really wished I could turn back time. Of course I can't and can only appreciate what is left behind, his legacy, his sacrifice and his teachings.

2nd day was more laid back as everything was in order. We were told to come later as usually no one will turn up early to pay their respects. How wrong they were as for 1, we forgot to inform our cousin Dennis to come later (he's helping us with the 'white gold' collections) and 2, dad's friends actually turned up before 9am =.=

We reached 10ish after breakfast. So malu. Luckily, Dennis and dad's friends were forgiving *phew*

Other than that, the day passed by effortlessly. We got to know many of dad's friends whom we've not seen before. They saw the ad we posted in The Star (thankfully we opted for half page which was totally worthwhile even though it costs a bomb!) They saw, they came, they conquered! LOL! No lah... they left with a saddened mind, knowing they have lost a good friend :-(

We had Mahayana Buddhism prayers for the second night, the masters were recommended by the undertaker. It was honestly a daunting yet funny night! Only the children and grandchildren were required during the prayers so mom and hubby escaped what we were about to endure. We were made to hold a lighted incense the whole time and mind you, at times it was really smoky and it got into our eyes! When it nearly finished, we were relieved thinking 'yes, no need to hold jor!' but it turned out we had new ones to replace the finished ones *fainted*

We were also required to kneel and stand for a few times, reminded me of some exercise sessions! We were sniggering, trying to stifle our giggles but forgetting that our reflections were on the window panes and the masters would have seen our naughty antiques!

At some point, we had to kneel down in front of dad and after a while, our legs cramped! It was a mere 5 minutes or more and I thought I was going to topple! I had a hard time kneeling, shifting my feet underneath while swaying a little. Then I realized I wasn't the only one *phew* It felt hilarious as we were all struggling! After a while, bro Ryan suddenly straightened up (erm... kneeling but in L position - half kneel? - where we felt much better) and all of us actually followed!!! It was like a domino's effect!!! LOL!!! In actual fact, he was merely changing his leg positions a little before kneeling down again!!! But since we had followed, he stayed at that L position!!! The whole time, I kept telling dad in my heart 'sorry for the naughty antiques but we couldn't helped it'. I know he would understand and probably telling us 'told you I didn't want all these craps!' o.O

Anyway, it was an interesting night, a memorable one especially since it's been a long time since we were naughty together *grinning* Sis kept asking how come hubby escaped!!! LOL!!! Even both Tyger and Princess asked the same! Lucky daddy schucks!!! Not sure if any of the guests had noticed our antiques but they sure do behaved like nothing has happened.

So glad that even our relatives from far North came, either by plane or car. Thank you so much again for coming. Really appreciate your thought and kind gestures.

1st night of wake

Everything fell into place effortlessly, as though God has made a pact with dad, from getting the funeral parlour to newspaper ad to scattering of his ashes. The funeral parlour was fully booked but what a coincidence that by afternoon a room will be vacated. The best part, air-con room summore! When sis was trying to get hold of the newspaper agencies, this lady at the Chinese agency offered her service! Insisted that she can do both Chinese and English newspapers, begging sis to give all the details to her! After considering the pros and cons, sis decided to give it to her since there was no extra charge and worthwhile. By afternoon, we gathered at dad's house, waiting for the time to go to the funeral parlour, with all the arrangements made and processions confirmed. Thankfully all was smooth sailing.

By evening, we were at the parlour getting everything ready and waiting for guests to arrive. In lieu with dad's wishes, we have opted for a simple Buddhist ceremony with a touch of Hakka and Taoist. We were totally honored that bro Ryan's friend, Ven Saranankara (from Sentul Buddhist Association), was able to render his service during the ceremony on the first night of wake. I heard he's a very busy man. I may not be used to the chantings but honestly, after it was over, I actually felt calm, lifted and better. Believe it or not, that night I actually slept like a pig =.= I later found out that even my siblings had the same experience. Dad must have been giving us sleeping spells lol!

I was also touched by the turn out of guests arriving, be it dad's old friends or mom's or sis' or bro's or even mine! Thank you so much for coming by, for all your well-wishes and thoughts! It was such a blessing that you all made your way to the parlour, even with the rain and jam. Thank you again for coming!

Oh ya not forgetting our relatives! They were so kind to come and helped us during the funeral. We were so humbled and blessed to have them around, during our difficult times. Thank you so much for everything! You know who you are ^.*

25/11/2012

A date that changed my life forever. A date I'll remember always, till the day I die. A date that made me realized how selfish I had been, self-absorbed and ignorant.

It was too sudden for me. Too sudden that I was not ready to accept the reality. Too sudden that I can't accept that he has left us. I'm just not ready to let go.

My dad has always been a healthy, strong and stoic man, lean and tall, albeit the drinking and smoking. I have always thought he will live to a 100. How wrong I was. He has been having pain all over his body, specifically back and bro Chris has brought him to the hospital for a check up. After x-ray, doctor confirmed it's due to arthritis and also bone-growth, both related to aging hence no cure for it but constant healthy diet and exercise should get him by. Dad wasn't happy with the result as he felt it could be otherwise. One of the reasons why he hated going to the doctors as he doesn't believe in them. He was a stubborn man still sticking to his old eating habits (thankfully he has stopped smoking and drinking). Anyhow, he was getting weaker, skinnier and frail but he didn't want to go for a second opinion as he has no faith in our 'blood-sucking' money-minded doctors.

Seeing him so frail totally broke my heart. Knowing how stubborn he was, we can't do anything except to attend to his whims and fancies. Thankfully Tyger and Princess were there to accompany him during his last week. He took them to Carrefour, walked all the way there and back! About an hour to and fro leh! Spending time with them sort of completed part of his wish as he was always fond of them. He grew weaker by day, can't eat and having bout of diarrhea. Out of the blue last Friday, he wanted to drink some beer so I got him 2 cans of Carlsberg (he actually wanted 2 bottles of Tiger but mom heard wrongly =.=)

While on the way to fetch mom last Saturday, mom called asking us to hurry as dad has collapsed in the bathroom. Chris had trouble carrying him and they had called the ambulance. Upon reaching, the ambulance was there and the paramedics were checking him out while trying to carry him up. Seeing dad in such situation, so skinny and frail, gasping for air made it hard for me to accept that he's so weak and old. Finally on the stretcher and in the ambulance, they rushed to UH as he had fainted. Apparently his heart failed once and they managed to revive him, immediately admitted him into ICU. Doctor also told us to be prepared for the worst, he could be around for a day or probably a week. Having said that, we got sis back from Singapore immediately. After some scans and x-rays, doctor concluded that he could be having lung cancer as there was some black mass and white spots on his lung. As it was late, they could only confirm the next day with more tests. We decided to have our one to one before going home for the day. It was definitely the right decision.

Upon reaching home, it still felt surreal, as though I was in a bad dream. Tried sleeping, tossing and turning but to no avail. Kept asking God to allow dad to overcome this obstacle. Worried sick but still trying to think positive, hoping for a miracle. When I finally was about to doze off, flashes of dad's funeral came into mind, causing me to be wide awake. Before I could say 'choi!' my handphone rang, it was mom. My worst fear came true. Dad has passed away at 1.42am. I was stunned, crying uncontrollably. Couldn't accept the reality. It was just too sudden. Hubby kept consoling me, telling me at least he didn't suffer. We had to wake Angels up and headed to the hospital again, this time for a different reason, sigh!

Seeing him that night, looking so serene and in peace. Thankfully we had our closure but I felt I still have more to say. I was kinda angry and thinking why can't I have another day? I know it was enough for him but I was being selfish again. After settling the hospital bills, etc, we went home. Bro Ryan has been entrusted to arrange for the funeral. Since he is a member of SJBA, he has contacts to get all the things done in time. It was not easy but it had to be done.

Once home, it wasn't easy trying to even get some 40 winkers. After a while, I gave up sleeping and did house chores instead. Lots of things running through my mind, all about dad. Some happy moments, some sad, even some regrets. In the end, it felt better after trying to so hard to accept the fact that he has moved on to a greener pasture... somewhere over the rainbow.

To be continued...

RIP Uncle Keat

I’ve only met Uncle Keat once in my lifetime. That’s because he has been in UK almost all his life. He was my dad’s youngest brother and we seldom contacted him due to the distant.

Recently, Auntie Jo (dad’s sis) informed us nephews and nieces that Uncle Keat has been hospitalized. We were praying and hoping he will get well soon enough. Alas our prayers went unanswered as Auntie Jo emailed us of his demise late last Monday :-(

My condolences to his partner, Bob. Uncle Keat can now rest in peace and be free of pain.

RIP Whitney Houston

These few days, news are abuzz with the death of one legendary diva. She has been an iconic singer, model and actress. Such a talented woman with God’s gift of a unique voice. It’s sad that she has to leave this tumultuous world in such a manner.

One can only blame her ex-husband, Bobby Brown, for introducing her to drugs. Since her marriage to him and drugs, her career has started tumbling downwards. She was so hooked on both of them, she just couldn’t see the damage which was slowly and cruelly taking her life and God’s gift to her. I totally can’t understand why her family was unable to stop her, reason with her to leave these bastards sooner! When she finally divorced Bobby, it was too late as the drugs have eaten into her thus no matter how often she tried to stay clean, it will slowly creeps back in. By then, the damage was done as she has lost her golden voice. To think of it, maybe because of that, she has lost her confidence and strength too, hence keep turning back to drugs for support. Is she that lonely? No friends to turn to? No comfy shoulders to cry on? Even her daughter, Bobbi Kristina, has dabbled with drugs! No thanks to such bad influence from parents who lead such example.

So far, nothing has been confirmed of her death, only conclusion was she had drown in her bath tub. Was she too high on drugs that she was not awaken when plummeted into the bath tub? Or she had totally passed out or slipped and fell into the bath tub? Those are just my assumptions, even the toxicology report is not out yet. Reading the news of her just before her death, her last few days in the eyes of the world… my oh my… wasn’t helpful at all. She was in a shamble, looked beleaguering and perhaps lost. I wonder what was in her mind then. What was she thinking? Why the ‘ugly’ side of her? The sad part, she didn’t want to end up like MJ but she has…

I have grown up listening to her songs, especially during my secondary years. I may always be a Mariah Carey fan but I do enjoy listening to Whitney’s songs i.e. One moment in time, When you believe, I will always love you, Greatest love of all… mostly ballads.

Whitney, may you find peace and serenity, finally. God bless…

RIP Steve Jobs

This morning, on the radio, I heard of the passing of one of the greatest innovator, visionary and creator… the legendary Apple founder, Steve Jobs.

I’m not an Apple fan but I do respect the vision Steve Jobs had. He was really smart, able to monopolize a share of the market with his own unique marketing strategy and innovative technology. It is not easy especially since you will need to purchase most of the stuffs instead of downloading it for free. Many diehard Apple fans were definitely crushed and sad of his passing although it’s expected since he had pancreatic cancer. In fact, my whole Facebook wall posts today were about Steve Jobs! May he rest in peace, he will be missed for sure.

A must watch… his famous inspirational speech in 2005:

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=1797489315402

You can read more of it here:

http://techcrunch.com/2011/10/05/steve-jobs-has-passed-away/

Farewells…

Last Wednesday night, I was shocked when I read Spena’s tweet about Dame Elizabeth Taylor’s death. Yes, the screen legend has passed away due to heart complications.

Picture taken from Wikipedia
The below link from The Star captured the best of Dame Liz’s life in summary:
http://ecentral.my/news/story.asp?file=/2011/3/24/movies/20110324092912&sec=movies

On another note, I’ve made this crochet for a colleague’s farewell. He has left for the sake of his family. His wife is a teacher and has been transferred back to their hometown to teach. As such, he has decided to follow her back too. Although still unsure of his future there, he is very ‘wai tai’ for making such a decision, very respectful.

It’s actually meant to be a key chain or you can hang it on your bag but I’ve improvised it to hang some cards. You can write your thoughts on the cards and attached to the crochet then placed it in an envelop.
Jet, every cloud has a silver lining… may you succeed in your future undertakings and hope you have a better life in Ayer Tawar. May God bless you and your family. Do keep in touch in Facebook!

2012?

I hate it when people keep referring to the current natural disasters as a countdown to the end of the world. Yes, the movie 2012 referred it as the year our world would end but harlow???!!! It's just a movie people! Please stop posting or spamming us with all these unnecessary hoax! It's just too much!

Anyway, my thoughts and prayers to all the disaster victims... I hope you will overcome this difficult moments and hope everything will be OK. My condolences to those who had passed away during this tragic disasters. 

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Princess: Mommy, why did you send me for tuition? Or was daddy the one who wanted me to go?
Me: No, you asked for it mah. Why?
Princess: No, I didn't!
Me: Yes, you did!

After a few times of no and yes...

Princess: Now I have to go for tuition too during school holidays. Gor Gor don't need to... he can play and watch TV the whole day! It's not fair!
Me: *shakes head!

RIP Tua Ku

My uncle, Mom's eldest brother, has just passed away last night due to cancer. His many years battle with the desease has finally come to an end. At least he's free of any pain now, free of all the medications and chemotherapies. My condolences to his family. May he rest in peace.

RIP Macy Wong

Macy, I may not know you that well, you might not even remember me… it’s ok… may you rest in peace.

I just heard the demise of an ex-classmate due to illness. I vaguely remember her but I do recall her being a quiet yet intelligent and beautiful person. I was surprised… taken aback… as she was the same age as me. Too young to leave this world so soon. It made me realized… in fact, opened my eyes… to appreciate what I have and to seek what I want in life. No more procrastination. No more excuses. Live life to the fullest!

My condolences to Macy’s family. God bless…

RIP Brittany Murphy

When I heard of her demise on the radio yesterday morning, I was shocked. I remember Brittany Murphy was a young actress. I quickly Google searched her when I reached the office and found out she’s only 32 years old! OMG! Cardiac arrest? It really sounded so unreal to have a heart attack at such a young age. It makes me wonder if it really was cardiac arrest, I don’t blame others who started speculating.
One thing for sure, it made me realized that I have to live my life to the fullest, enjoy it while I can and live it with no regrets. Easier said than done though. I still have loads of stuff on my mind to accomplish but I don’t have much time or money to fulfil it all. There are so many obstacles to overcome, challenges to win. Nothing in life is free or easy. I have always believed this world we live in is actually hell. With all the ups and downs, good and bad, it really felt like hell. When we pass away, we will all go to heaven as we have overcome all the obstacles and challenges.  
So Brittany, may you enjoy your new life in heaven. Rest in peace.

RIP Patrick Swayze

I can't believe it when I heard on the radio that Patrick Swayze has finally succumbed to pancreatic cancer. It was devastating as he was really a good actor. I can never forget his fantastic acting in Ghost, Dirty Dancing and To Wong Foo. I respect him as he has been living his life to the fullest even though he has been diagnosed with cancer, never leaving a moment dull. He didn't look sick in The Beast, only looked haggard, as though befitting the role. He inspires me to value my life more, to live it to the fullest, to do what I really enjoy doing and not living up to other person's expectation except myself. Rest in peace, Patrick. The world has lost another beautiful soul.

RIP Yasmin Ahmad

Honestly, I have never watched her movies but I've always loved her TV commercials. It's always very touching with family and moral values. It's her unique and distinguished trade mark which no one can ever imitate or replaced. It was a surprised when I heard she had passed away due to stroke and brain hemorrhage. It sounded like another commercial of hers... her passing away suddenly, without being able to say goodbye to her loved ones, while working. Moral of this is to always plan ahead for your loved ones, always express your feelings for them, exercise and lead a healthy lifestyle. Life is short. We will never know when is our turn.

It really struck a chord for me... need to organize my life... re-prioritize... planning for my kids. Of course, not forgetting to watch all her movies, if possible. Live life to the fullest!

Yasmin, may you rest in peace.